Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays, everyone!

I'm taking this week (and the next one) off, so prepare yourselves. My family staged an intervention and declared that I had to spend quality time with them—no working. Of course, they realized I'd need more incentive and then bribed me with presents. A butt-load of presents. So I'm taking a little holiday.

I'll be back in full force on January 8th. In the meantime, have a great new year. And I hope you got lots of good loot too. Although, yes, I understand the holidays are about more than just receiving gifts. They're about cookies too.

Wink.

Man Ruins Christmas

Tuesday Evening, December 11, 2007 — Unbeknownst to San Francisco resident Kate Perry, Christmas was about to be ruined.

Perry, age undetermined (though she's awfully youthful looking and cute, but fierce) was lying across her bed, reading, when the man (name withheld) walked in and promptly ruined Christmas.

"I knew something was up right away," confessed Perry. "He was too cheery. And then when he said 'Love, I bought myself an early Christmas present' I just knew what he'd done. He'd bought himself an Ipod Touch—just like the Ipod Touch I'd already bought him. Sure enough, that's exactly how it went down."

"I had no clue," the man said according to police reports. "I'd been wanting one, but I had no idea anyone would get it for me. It wasn't even on my Christmas list! But the second I told Kate I knew I'd messed up. Her disappointed puppy look will haunt me forever."

The man's neighbors never suspected he'd be capable of such a thing. "He looked like such a nice man," one told reporters. "I would never have thought him capable of doing such a thing. You just never know."

Close friend of the victim Katie Salvage said, "I always knew he had this in him. It's in his eyes."

The victim's sister Parisa Zolfaghari was still baffled by the turn of events. "I was going in on this gift too. I can't believe he'd do this. It's just wrong."

When asked what she was going to do now, Perry replied, "I don't know. I mean, the only other things on his Christmas list are world peace and a $4k TV, and I'm not sure I can pull off world peace by next week."

The man in question was also at a loss. "I think it's safe to say I'm getting coal this year."

Rites of Courtship

Nate and I we sat together on the stone masonry in front of the fireplace and watched the other party-goers mingling and chatting. I sipped on my gin and tonic (which another very kind attendee informed me was the drink of alcoholics) and hummed along with Bing Cosby as he sang White Christmas.

My beloved nudged me with his elbow. "Do you see the singles over there?"

"What singles?"

"Them." Nate nodded toward the kitchen doorway, where a guy and two women stood.

"How do you know they're single?" I asked, staring at them over the rim of my drink.

"Body language. See how the guy is leaning toward the woman who markets salad greens?"

I perked up. "The chick in the blue dress markets lettuce?"

"Prepackaged greens," he corrected me.

Grinning, I looked her over again. "She looks like she works for a fashion magazine rather than hocking lettuce."

"Forget the lettuce. Look at the way the guy reaches out and brushes her arm every now and then. And how she reacts."

"But the lettuce is way more fascinating." I stared at her for a moment, wondering how she fell into marketing lettuce, before studying the dynamic between her and the guy. Sure enough, Nate was right. Every time the guy touched her she'd blush. "Hmm."

Nate nodded. "They haven't had sex yet, but they want to."

"What about her statuesque friend? She's just propped against the counter, not doing anything."

"Wingman. Or wingwoman, in this case. She's there for support and general encouragement." He smiled knowingly, swirling the ice in his drink. "I bet soon she'll drift off and let her friend get to know that guy more privately."

I frowned at my beloved. "Where did you learn so much about the rites of courtship?"

He slipped his arm around my waist. "From my love. She's a romance author."

"Oh." I blinked. "That's right. I forgot."

My Christmas List

For several years in a row, I received towels for Christmas. I'm not sure what my family was trying to say—I take fairly regular showers—but I decided it had to stop. So started my tradition of creating a Christmas list. A brilliant idea on my part for a number of reasons...

A win-win for everyone, right? In theory. The trick is your family has to actually consult the list. I know they look at it, but somehow I hardly ever get things I designate. Except from my sister—she follows direction well.

Last year I got savvy and broke out my list in two categories: Moderately Priced Gifts and The Big Spender Area. Guess which list is my favorite? Grin. This year, my Big Spender list rocks too. In addition to the handmade grand piano and the Ferrari I want, I added a modest little house in France. Plus a couple other sundry items.

I can't help that I like expensive things. And if you don't ask for what you want, you end up getting what doesn't thrill you. Like towels.