Talking the Talk

I was going to be on the ball for a change and actually write something serious. (Hear the gasps echo all around the world.) Something serious = dialogue. Know what I realized? Dialogue is hard.

Okay, dialogue itself isn't too difficult. Anyone can write a short conversation. But making that snippet compelling and engaging? Pretty hard. And describing how to do that? Even harder.

So I'm not going to try to teach you how to write kick-ass dialogue. I'd need hours. Instead, I'm going to give you a few things to think about as you're writing.

Get to the essence.

I just read a book last week that I wanted to love. I really dug the characters and the plot, but the dialogue held me back at times, only because it was a bit awkward at times. Like this (though this is my own example):

He held his hand out. "Go with me for a walk."

She nodded. "Yes, I will go with you for a walk."

If she were a five year old who needed to repeat everything word for word, the response would have been appropriate. Maybe. But a modern, grown woman? Stilted. If she'd said "Sure" or, even better, "Only if you hold my hand" it would have given the interaction more flavor, don't you think?

Another way of getting to the essence is figuring out what your character really wants to say and have her say it. Yeah, it's that simple. So when she opens the door for her best friend, she doesn't say "Hi, how are you?" The greeting stuff may happen in real life, but it doesn't make for fascinating reading. Instead, she opens the door and latches desperately onto her friend's arm and says "My mother is driving me insane."

Remember: if she can't say what she wants with words, have her say it with her actions. What a character does is as much part of the conversation as the words she speaks.

What's being said and where it's going down.

To make a gripping conversation, one of those has to be extraordinary.

Allow Kate to explain. Let's picture two men talking about the weather:

"Did you happen to catch the forecast today?" George asked.

Doug shook his head. "No. Heard the guy on the train over say it was supposed to rain though."

"Man." George frowned. "I forgot my umbrella."

Not terrible, but not incredibly riveting, is it? But what if you tweaked the scene or the situation?

"Did you happen to catch the forecast today?" George asked, reholstering his gun.

Wiping the splattered blood from the wall, Doug shook his head. "No. Heard the guy on the train over say it was supposed to rain though."

"Man." George frowned as he rolled the dead body onto the tarp. "I forgot my umbrella."

The same can be applied in the opposite case. A conversation can be even more striking if you set it in an ordinary situation:

"Last night I decided I need sex," Laura said as she filled her bowl with Lucky Charms.

"What brought about this decision?" Her sister Ruth passed her the milk.

"Because I decided it's time to get over Kevin."

"That pig bastard." Ruth held out her hand. "Will you pass me the butter?"

To spice up your dialogue...

The best thing to do is to really listen to people everywhere you go. The next best thing to do is read, paying attention to what works and what falls flat. And then watch clever movies. A few that I thought had good dialogue: Garden State, Stranger than Fiction, and Juno.

Wrapping it up.

I rushed through this, I know. I mean, I didn't even address character, and character plays a huge role in how a conversation plays out—not to mention the character's goals and motivations. So much to go over, so little time. But I hope you got something to think about. Questions? Ask them, because I'll probably have answers. And if I don't, I'll make something up. Don't worry—it'll sound good.

Scene It

As fascinating as tutus and pirates are, you can't write about them all the time. Sometimes you've got to go practical, which is what we're doing this week. We're going to talk about scene.

Scene has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. As writers, we often focus on honing characterization or plot or dialogue. At least I did. Scene was a forgotten prop—there but in the background.

That's so inefficient. Scene, when done right, enhances the character and adds dimension to the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah—I've totally baffled you. Well, here's your example.

Picture a cottage with doilies lining the furniture, a fire in the hearth, and a rocking chair with a basket of knitting supplies next to it. You got the image? Okay, then imagine the person who lives there. Who do you see?

If you're Jen, you'll see a serial killer, but most of the rest of us will envision a granny-type, rocking away in her chair while knitting. But what if it's a six-foot-three man in a flannel shirt, ripped jeans, with salt and pepper five-day stubble? Do you see how his environment can make his character immediately more intriguing? And what if you take the granny and put her in an auto repair shop? Instant dimension to what could have been a stereotype.

Now back to me and why I'm harping on scene.

I just started writing my next contracted book, CHOSEN BY DESIRE (February 2010). I have the heroine, Carrie, who's working for Max, our enigmatic hero. Max needs information out of Carrie (she unknowingly has something he wants).

What's plaguing me is that Carrie's working in Max's palatial library and he's trying to get her to reveal information to him. The purpose: he needs to find out that she's actually innocent of what he thinks she's doing, and I want them to get to know each well enough to fall in love.

But in a library? Yawn. Yeah, a couple of the scenes have to happen there, because that's where they're working together. But there's got to be a more compelling place in his home for them to get to know each other. Someplace that adds a sizzle and makes the reader sit up and take notice. But it can't be gratuitous—the change of scene has got to have purpose. There's got to be a logical reason they'd end up, say, in a closet together.

So I'm trying to think out of the box (I used that phrase for you, Nate). What if I take one of the library scenes and set it in Max's swimming pool instead? The reason Carrie goes there: she gets hot and tired working. The reason Max ends up there: he's pissed because she's not where she's supposed to be and goes to find her. Potential there, don't you think? Because the setting can make it a sexier interlude to showcase their physical attraction, but revealing in that their conversation can evolve into a heart-to-heart where they're emotionally stripped.

Something for you writers out there to think about this week.

About the Author

The deadline for my revisions is nigh approaching, and I've been wrestling to pull everything together. Which isn't just the book but also the dedication, acknowledgments, and the bio.

I frickin' hate writing all that stuff.

The acknowledgments are bad, because invariably you forget someone important. But the bio is the worst. The only positive about writing a bio is I get to talk about myself in the third person. For some reason, that tickles me. I must have some recessed boy gene in my makeup.

Figuring out what to say about yourself? A total bitch. Especially when you're not all that interesting. I mean, I huddle in front of my computer all day long—where's the excitement in that? If I wanted to write a boring bio I'd be set, but Kate doesn't do boring.

So I asked some people what they'd say if they were writing my bio.

More than a Tutu: Getting to Know Kate

My critique partner: Well, you're the woman I'd most want to stroll with down a dark alley. And I'd definitely mention that you have a broadsword. That's so cool.

My sister: I'd say something that includes the phrase "mastery of life." I love that phrase. Or maybe I'd say you like cupcakes a lot.

Nate: I'd definitely mention that you enjoy torturing your beloved.

A close friend: This like a homework assignment. I didn't do homework while I was in school. I don't know what makes you think I'll do it now.

A random woman off the street: You have a nice computer bag. Is your laptop really that big?

One of the guys from my Kung Fu class: You've got a mean kick-jab combination. And you bite.

Sigh. The sad part is I'm desperate enough to take what they gave me and work it all together. Or maybe I should make something up. I always did want to be a gypsy with a bull name Philippe.

You-Google-izer

Marketing is such a crapshoot. Trying to figure out how effective your marketing actually is can give you a headache.

But there are tools that can make analyzing your web traffic easier (because web traffic has a direct relationship to marketing). Like Google Analytics. I'd be flying blind if it weren't for Analytics. With it, I know which marketing efforts are paying off. It tells me who's visiting me, how many pages they visit, how long they look at each page, how loyal they are... The list goes on.

One of the things Google Analytics reports is search string results. Basically, if someone uses any search engine and then clicks on a link through to your site, you can see what words or phrases they were searching for.

There are reasons to pay attention to this, but you don't care about that. You care about what some of those search strings are. Trust me—you do. Because they're hilarious.

Of course, the top searches that end at my site are variations on Kate Perry, or Project Daddy or Project Date. But I also get a lot for Kate's World, the official title of my blog. I didn't know it when I picked the name, but apparently there's a porn site called Kate's World. Brilliant on my part, because even if one person looking for a sexy naked chick comes to my site and gets interested in my writing it's worth it.

But I get traffic from people searching for a lot of random things. Here are a few of my favorites:

"english to pirate translation"
adult tutu cowboy boots
there's a man in a field, and he's naked and dead
hillbillies and rednecks
"dispose of a dead body" in a cemetery
life's better on the porch
snoopy butt tattoo
"compulsion to wear women's underwear" "to work""

To top all those off, we have...

why do i have a handcuff fetish?

I'm tempted to brainstorm the reasons why, just in case this person ever comes back—I like to be helpful—but that's a whole blog post in itself.