Darn It All

I had a blog planned. Really I did. I went out Saturday night and I was going to write about it. Picture this: a tiki bar with an 80s dance party and me. I know! Totally a blog post waiting to happen, right?

But besides the cool umbrella-ed drinks and the small tropical space seething with bodies, I was with my friend Scott, who is a quirky Kate Perry character waiting-to-happen. Words cannot describe Scott—or his dancing. He doesn't just groove; he acts out the songs. You have to see it to really appreciate it.

And you would have seen it, because in addition to be a total ham Scott is a compulsive picture taker. He took, easily, a hundred pictures Saturday night. So I planned a photo essay of the night, starting with my cucumber-basil drink, to Scott acting out "Thriller," to the guy who took his shirt off and did push-ups on the dance floor, to all my dance partners. Like the guy from Malawi who'd name was like Dimsummy (although it was loud and I may have misheard, plus I was starving). Or like Athu, who at one point threw his arms in the air and yelled "You are so hot!" I think I was doing a chicken dance at the time.

But you're not getting a photo essay. Why? Because I didn't get the photos from Scott. Insert grumbling here. I love doing photojournalistic essays.

Instead, I'm forced to come up with something on the fly. The problem: I have nothing to talk about. Zero words. Zip.

Only I've got to give you something to take away, right? If I told you we sold another book to Hachette/Grand Central, would you be appeased?

Yeah, so the third Guardian book will come out sometime next year. TEMPTED BY FATE. I don't have details yet—heck, I still have to write the book—but maybe it'll give you something to look forward to. I'll post a chapter soon. Um, when I write it.

First Annual Kate Perry Talent Show

I think we should have a talent show. What do you guys think?

Parisa and I spent Sunday afternoon watching the Casimir Middle School Talent Show (2009) on YouTube. (Don't ask.) But it inspired me. Why don't we ever have talent shows as adults? I totally would have done a talent show at work, back when I had a real job.

The voice of logic/conscience that talks in my head (oddly, it sounds just like Nate) tells me one must have talent in order to be in a talent show.

And to that I say, "Pshaw." No discrimination here. Even if you don't have talent, you can still perform. In our talent show, everyone will win first place.

I get dibs on doing a dance routine to Timbaland's Bounce. (Sorry, Parisa.) Oh—and I may want to whistle something—like Prince's Pink Cashmere or Taylor Swift's Love Story. (It's a little known fact that I am a master whistler.)

What do you want to do? Claim it now.

A Very Serious Post

We're TCB today, children. Taking care of business, for those of you who are acronym illiterate. My Very Serious Post is geared toward writers. Sorry, regular people. But I had several requests for this. In other words, buck up and deal. Don't fret, however—I'll be back to my usual frivolous self next week.

And so we move on to our Very Serious Topic: the dreaded synopsis.

Is it important to write a good one?

Once you're published, you'll most likely use your synopsis to sell your next books. So, yeah, it's quite important.

It's so hard, you say in a whiny voice.

It's not hard—it just uses a different writing muscle. Stop thinking that it's difficult. As I said before, buck up. It's part of the job. Look at it this way: would you rather write a 10 page synopsis or a 400 page book?

But, Kate, I don't know what to do!

You came to the right place, grasshopper.

I'm going to trust that you guys are familiar with Vogler's Writers Journey, the steps you have to take a hero through in order to have a complete, satisfying story. (Just nod your head and play along.) The synopsis basically outlines your hero's journey. For a really detailed synopsis, you'll want to hit on every stage of the journey.

I usually don't go that detailed into the stages, mostly because I'm not a plotter so I never know precisely what's going to happen. But I find that using the five major stages of the hero's journey works for me:

Even someone who writes without plotting should be able to figure out these stages. Also, thinking about the story as a whole before you start writing not only gives you a direction to move in, but it cuts down the number of revisions you have to do.

That's pretty much it. Now go forth and synopsize.

Okay, not true. There's more to it.

Not more, Kate!

Just a little. And it's painless. Really.

Repeat after me: goal, motivation, and conflict. Now repeat it again.

Your character's GMC is part of the journey. The goal is what your character wants—it's the reason you have a story. How bad he wants it (the motivation) is what spurs him out of his La-Z-Boy to go for it. Conflict is why he can't have it.

Every character has GMC, I don't care what genre you write. Without a goal, there is no story—just 400 pages of meandering discourse. For us writers of commercial fiction, the goals are usually concrete—like save the cheerleader or find the lost gold. For literary works, the goal can be an emotional or psychological one.

I usually start off my synopses with my main character's goal. Bam—right upfront. Then I tell why she wants it so badly and why she can't have it. That typically encompasses the Ordinary World and Threshold. I work my way through the other stages, careful to include how my character feels. Her reactions to the events are what give the reader (or, the editor who is considering buying it) something to relate to.

Sigh. It sounds like drudgery and boring to write.

It doesn't have to be boring. Write it in the voice you use for your story. When I write a story in first person, I usually write my synopsis in first person. Same goes for third person (and because I write romance, I weave in all the same info for the hero).

Give me examples, Kate.

Geez, you guys are demanding. But I love you, so behold your brief excerpts. First person, from MARKED:

My name is GABRIELLE SANSOUCI, and I paint.

That's an understatement. My mentor, MADADME LA ROCHELLE, says I have talent that rivals the great masters of our time. I've been told I was going to make a difference in the world—I believe it's through my paintings.

For the past ten years I've worked as a bartender while I've studied art with Madame. Now, she tells me she's arranged for my chance: one of the top galleries in San Francisco wants to feature me. Me. In a one woman show. It's my dream come true. I just need to finish three more canvases in addition to the stock I have, and I have six weeks to do it.

I should be euphoric, right? Problem is the same day I get the good news my father WU shows up on my doorstep with the scrolls. I don't know what's more disturbing: seeing him after all these years, the scrolls being back in my life, or the fact that he's a ghost...

Third person, from CHOSEN (coming soon to a bookstore near you):

It's down to the wire. CARRIE WOODS is leaving China tomorrow morning to go back to San Francisco, and she still doesn't have the proof she needs: Wei Lin's journal. So she goes on one last tour of the monastery, hoping for a miracle.

It all started when her doctoral advisor, LEONORA HSU, dropped a bomb on her. While she thought Carrie was the perfect candidate for the professorial position opening at UC Berkeley—the position Carrie's been working toward for so many years—she said the rest of the panel were less impressed. She claimed that for Carrie to stand out among the other applicants, she needed to spice up her dissertation.

Carrie was at a loss. Until she saw GABE SANSOUCI, her coworker and best friend, work magic...

Are we done yet?

Yeah, that's it, in a nutshell. I was trying to keep it short and simple, so I barely scratched the surface. But if you have questions, I will gladly entertain them. Bring it on, kiddies.

If you like reference books, check out GMC by Debra Dixon and Writing the Fiction Synopsis by Pam McCutcheon. Both available from Gryphon Books, both highly recommended.

Too Zen to Blog

Just back from the annual masters kung fu retreat I (have to) attend, and I'm feeling pretty mellow. No issues to write about, no points of conflict. I am a still pool of water.

So I was thinking maybe we could have a free-for-all. You guys ask me your burning questions, and I'll answer them. This is the time of year when I usually ask you guys what you want from me too. If you have a specific blog topic you'd like me to write about, let me know. (Yes, Nate, I got your request for a post about a roadkill named Wally—it's in the works.)

I'd also like to state two things:

Notice how nicely I stated the second point? I didn't give say WTF, people? Comment, for God's sake! like I might have last week. That's because I'm all zen. A still pool of water, remember?